Multi-ethnic couple in passionate embrace and undressing each other during sexual foreplay
Many women have never had or are not sure that they have had an orgasm. These women are the ones that I call orgasmic-ally deprived. Yes, If you have never had one I blame you! How is your partner suppose to know how to satisfy you if you don’t know what you want or need to be satisfied. Its like the blind leading the blind if you ask me. Don’t worry because I am going to help you discover “Your Sexy”.
Step #1:

So you may be asking yourself “How is she going to help me find my sexy”? I am going to start with this simple question (but first I need you to stand in front of a full length mirror naked): “Do you think you are sexy”? Some of you are not going to be so quick to answer yes because you are only looking at your flaws. Stretch marks, cellulite, and that little belly that you have is still sexy to a lot of men! I need for you to focus on the things that make you as a woman sexy whether its the thickness of your thighs, the curvature of your hips, the smallness of your waist, and the fullness of your breast. These things make you sexy as a woman. You need to love all aspects of your body including your flaws. Improve on the things that you can but love everything else just the way that it is. There is nothing more sexy to your partner whether male or female is someone that has confidence in their appearance. Your partner may find that
the dimples in the booty are the sexiest thing on your body. The stretch marks on your thighs and ass may be the thing that gets him aroused. You need to feel the same way. Once you have accomplished that and started to see your self as sexy you are ready to move onto the next step.

Step #2

Once you have started to become attracted to yourself you need to begin to take your time to find out how you like to be touched. No, I am not saying for you to start molesting yourself immediately (at least not yet anyway). You need to take the time to start learning the pressure points on your body. You can do this when you are in the tub, putting on lotion or better yet right after you left the spa from getting a mint body wrap. Whether you are in the bed or on the couch should have total silence in the room. You want to only focus on your breathing and you the sensations you are about to experience. You should start by lying on your back and begin rubbing your leg with your finger tips. Apply very light to heavy pressure as you move your fingers up and down your calf. Close your eyes how does the sensation make you feel? Now make your way up your thigh. Slowly rub the inner thighs. Focus on the sensation that you have when your fingertips lightly move around your thigh and up to you hip.
Now do the same thing with the opposite leg. All the while concentrate on your breathing and the sensations that you are experiencing. Work your way up your torso up to your breast. Gently fondle your breasts. Then work your way to your arms. Are you beginning to get turned on yet? Try to restrain from touching your clitoris and your vagina. The whole point of this step is for you to become in tune with your body. If you are doing this right you may already be having an orgasm or on the verge of having one. (I know I am). You are now ready for step #3

Step #3:

Now that you know how you like to be touched now its time for you to learn the difference between a vaginal and a and a clitoral orgasm. By learning the difference between the two will help you to know if you have or have not experienced an orgasm. You need to set the mood for this one so have a glass of Chardonnay, light some candles turn on “After Hours” or insert your favorite Cd (custom cd with all you favorite sensual songs are recommended for step and increase the bass setting on the radio as well). Begin by rubbing your fingers along your inner thigh and along the crease of your ass and your thigh. Explore your body as you did in step #2. This time once you are turned on take your index finger and the ring finger and gently massage the inner lips of the vagina. Once again focusing on your breathing as your fin-
gers explore the inner lips. Take the middle finger and gently play with the tip of your clitoris. Apply various forms of pleasure. Massage the clitoris by rubbing it between your index and ring finger. Move your hand closer to you vagina and lightly massage the vagina. Don’t insert your finger just yet we can’t have you going for immediate gratification just yet. With the middle finger massage the clitoris in a circular motion. While manipulating the clitoris the vaginal muscles will automatically begin to contract. Focus on contracting your vaginal muscles as you continue to play with your clitoris. Don’t come just yet! You want to intensify the orgasm by delaying it. This is called “Masturbation Interruptus”. Become completely aroused and then stop. Repeat this step until you can no longer can take it then insert your middle and ring finger into your vagina. Use your thumb to continue the stimulation of the clitoris. As you climax let your vaginal muscles push and pull your fingers in and out to continue the orgasmic feeling manipulate focus on the sensation that you are feeling and lightly rub the tip of the clitoris. Vary the pressure that you apply while staying focused on the sensation that you are feeling. If the sensations are become more intense and vaginal walls are contracting more intensely you are experiencing an orgasm. Now that you are more aware of how you like to be stimulated and you know what a clitoral orgasm is you are now

ready to experience the vaginal orgasm. Pick up the phone and call your partner for this last step. 🙂

Step #4

Now having a vaginal orgasm is not the same as having a clitoral orgasm. During the lovemaking process you need to more vocal with your partner. You are in control of your orgasm and ultimately theirs as well. If they are not touching you where you need to be touched to become aroused you need to direct them. Verbally tell them where you want to touched or grab their hand and slowly and silently guide their hands to the spots on your body that causes you arousal. Kissing is a very important part in the arousal with your partner. Shoving your tongue down their throat is not a turn on. Take the time too truly enjoy the kiss. The kisses should be light, playful and teasing. Use your tongue to light caress the lips, play with the tip of your partners tongue. Kiss them passionately. Rub your hands along their body the same way that you did yours in step #2.

Now whether you want to go into oral after kissing is your choice (and I would have to give another step for you to have an orgasm while giving oral) but we are going to continue focusing on the vaginal orgasm. Now once you are ready for penetration (
you need to make sure make sure that you are in a position that you are comfortable with. Whether you are on your back, on top, or in the Huckle Buck you need to participate. Don’t just lay there! Being a pillow princess is not a turn on.
(Pillow Princes is one who just lays there) Remember that you are in charge of your partners orgasm as well. Arch your back and position yourself to where you can raise your hips to meet his when your partner is on top. Press your hands against the head board, wall, back of the couch (wherever you are) to gain more leverage. Follow the rhythmic motion that your partner has. If they are going to fast or slow whisper the speed that you want. Ladies if you are riding your need to do more than just bounce up and down. You need to dominate your partner. Put his hands above his head like he does yours. Slow grind on him while either kissing him passionately or looking him in the eye. Remember those vaginal muscles that you discovered in the last step. Use those same muscles now. You want to have the muscles to contract while you ride him. If you find that trying to make the muscles contract while riding is taking to much concentration position yourself to where the clitoris is exposed and lean slightly forward so that you can stimulate the clitoris against his body (men this works best if you have shaven). Imagine that your vagina is hugging him or that it is a hand squeezing him. Kiss and lick his neck. Continue until you feel the pressure rise and you have an orgasm. Congratulations you have found “Your Sexy”

When your partner is hitting it from the back throw it back at them. Wrap your legs around them and put that arch in your back. Not sure why he likes that position? Next time get the same mirror that was used in step one and position it near the bed and check your self out

while your partner is back there. Yes you are sexy in this position! Achieving an orgasm while in the doggy style position requires focus once again on the vaginal muscles. You don’t have to do to much work in this position. Let you partner enjoy being in charge for awhile. Once the pace slows down then that’s when you spring into action. Take control of the position. Bounce back and forth and move your hips. Tilt your hips slightly forward and back again. Imagine your hips are moving in a waving motion like the ocean. By now I shouldn’t have to tell you but I will again “work the muscles”. The same goes for the Huckle Buck. Arch your back and press your hands against something brace your position.

I stated before that you are in charge of partners orgasm as well. So how can you make him achieve it? Participate in the act. The more that you are aware of what turns you on the less stress and focus that your partner has to give to make sure that you are satisfied. Most men are used to making sure that his partner gets theirs before they can focus on their pleasure. The time that they take to try and figure out what turns you on and off can be time consuming. By the time they get you to your peak they just want to cum and go to sleep. A woman that knows what she needs and participates allows an man to focus on what turns him on. Talk dirty to him even say his name. These things encourage him on the act. They let him know that he pleasuring you correctly. Look him in the eye and give him that “Fuck me look”! Once a man is able to focus on his arousal like you are focused on yours. This will also help to kill the
infamous “Jack Rabbit” sex and the “101 Positions”. Jack Rabbit sex is the constant pounding. It is also known as “Bam Bam Bam”. That is not pleasurable in my opinion however their are some that love that. 101 positions is what a man feels he needs to do in order to please a woman. Men its not the number of positions that you put her in. Its whether or not you can satisfy her.

If you are one that has trouble rotating the hips get a Hoola Hoop and start practicing. Make sure you get the Shoop Shoop (you know the ones that have the balls in them and make the “shoop shoop” noise when you doing it right) If that does not help learn how to belly dance. Not only does belly dancing help to tighten the mid section but it shows you how to rotate your hips. One of the important things to remember in sex is your breathing. In Tantric Sex teachings we are taught to breathe each others breathe during the act. This doesn’t mean that you are really inhaling their breathe. You inhale as your partner exhales. You are in a sense becoming one. Your body’s are one in this experience. It is important to enjoy the experience whether you are in a long term relationship or a one night stand. I know that many of you may be skeptical about the one night stand but think about it. You found someone in the club or wherever that you think can satisfy that urge that you have for that moment. If you are going to have a one night stand shouldn’t you make the
most of it and truly enjoy yourself? Don’t forget to always practice safe sex. An orgasm can be just not intense if not more by knowing that your partner is wearing a condom.



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  1. Fed up says:

    Im 31 and after coming out of a long term relationship were my partner didn’t have a clue about giving orgasms and therefore neither did I bother about them. I am trying to find out how my body works 🙁
    I still have not achieved an orgasm to my dismay and am now quite depressed over it. I am with a new partner who was able to have multiple orgasms with his ex but I think has kinda gave up on me a little. I am able to get my clitoris to contract through masterbation but then the feeling goes and I’m left feeling worse. Could you offer me any help?

  2. Anonymous says:

    I like my fingers and I would rather have a man give me an orgasm. Yes I am also a “Pillow Princess” he is suppose to do all the work!

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